My teenaged daughter finds frequent fault with my
behavior. I talk too loud. I kiss her too much. I enjoy PDAs (public displays of affection),
which are absolutely verboten.
In the morning carpool, I say good morning to the other kids
– but my daughter rags at me about doing my job in silence. When she puts Top 40 on in the car, and I
start to bounce in my seat to "Shake It Off," she gives me her “Jinny the Judge”
look. And then, when I drop the kids off
and wish them a good day, she just rolls her eyes as she hurries
away from the car.
That’s why I was so surprised when we were chatting about
not much of anything important, strolling through the mall for some
post-Christmas shopping. My daughter
stopped, looked at me, and said I was “so confident.” She even smiled. Sort of.
I practically kissed her (actually, I did kiss her, which
made her grimace). I asked her why she
said that. And she said, “You’re just so
sure you’re right about everything.”
“That’s not such a bad thing,” I said (assertively, of
course). “It’s good for women to be
confident.”
“I’m not confident a lot of times,” she
answered honestly. “Except when I absolutely know I'm right about something. But sometimes, you’re not
right, Mom.”
“Sometimes,” I said.
“But not very often.” I smiled.
“When I’m wrong, though, I usually apologize, right?” I needed some
reassurance and received a shrug in response.
We then moved on to one of our favorite
debates: the subject of age-appropriate
clothing for school.
Even so, I was thrilled that my daughter showed
how well she knows me…or observes me, take your pick. I am a confident person. I do think I’m right about (most)
everything, except when I’m not. Just
ask some of my bosses through the years. (It has come up once or twice during
my annual reviews throughout the course of a 30+ year career).
In any event, what I should have said to her if I’d thought about
it for more than a nano-second, was that it isn’t about thinking you’re right
about everything all the time – it’s about not being afraid of being
wrong. Confidence reflects the
willingness – indeed, obligation – to be authentically who you are and to say
what you think, as long as it’s not intentionally hurtful or mean. Small moments in life sneak up on you and give you permission to consider big things about yourself. Of all my flaws and my strengths, confidence is one of my favorite on both sides of life's ledger. And I’m just tickled that my daughter “gets that” about me. Now, I want to make sure that she “gets it” about herself. On that score, I think we’re making progress.
Happy New Year.
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