The Tsunami

I really try to adopt a “glass half full” mindset most days, and, indeed, aging specialists say that I will likely live longer for it. 

But be careful what you wish for.  Like so many of my fellow boomers, I have been witnessing the slow deterioration of my parents over the past few years.  Glamorous and good-looking in their youth and well into middle age, they’ve had a really good run:  my dad is 89 this month and my mother is 85, and for a very long time they lived an active and engaged life.  Over the past months, however, their physical abilities have diminished in every way; with important assistance from my younger sister and a caring neighbor, they’ve been able to stay in their home.  But that time may be coming to an end.

My parents do not want anything to do with assisted living, especially after my mother’s brief experience in a nursing home following a stroke 18 months ago. “Those people in nursing homes are left to die in their wheelchairs,” my father snaps when I raise the issue with him, and I know that he’s right about that in some cases.  “Plus we can’t afford it!” he shouts, not adding that even if he could, he wouldn’t.  But hey, isn’t that one of the reasons why we have big government? To make sure somehow the elderly can manage the final difficulties of aging with a little grace, a decent bed, and/or Medicare-supported nursing care? 

Yes, arguably, but that’s not enough.  I pray for many more years of healthy living ahead of me, as I have seen the future and it scares me.  At some point, even the healthiest of older people become infirm, or their memory grows dim.  And I don’t think all the long term care insurance in the world is enough to alter the fact that there aren’t enough capable nurses, home health care workers, or well-managed, modern residential care facilities to meet the exploding needs of an aging population.

Back to the future.  “You really have to solve our problem,” my wonderful mother whom I adore beyond words said to me recently. “We’re old and we can’t do things anymore. We can’t really care for ourselves or make decisions anymore.  It’s time for you to do it.”  But neither she nor my father support what I truly believe they need, even if I don’t want it for them either.

Boy, though, it’s a wake-up call for how clueless our country is about the emotional, financial and cultural tsunami of old and infirm boomers headed our way.

So as I drink my half-full glass today, I’ll pray for a life raft or miracle tomorrow.  For all of us.