Ball & Chain

My husband and I went to see a really terrific musical at Arena Stage in Washington, D.C. this past Friday night, “A Night with Janis Joplin.” (Note to New Yorkers:  It’s coming to Broadway soon!)

Although Janis isn’t particularly well known to Gen X’ers and their younger brethren, she was a hugely influential performer until she died at the age of 27 from a drug overdose in 1970.

In any event, this show was staged as a small “club” performance by Joplin, covering all her major songs with power and passion.  But more than featuring lots of stagey banter between Joplin and her faux “audience” about her love life, or affection for hard drugs and Southern Comfort (her poisons of choice), the show really was a review of an important musical career in the context of legendary female blues influences on her sound, such as Odetta, Bessie Smith, Big Mama Thornton and Aretha, etc.   The Joplin doppelganger who performed in the show, Mary Bridget Davies, was amazing – and I say this having seen Joplin at Madison Square Garden on the eve of my 17^th birthday.    

Janis, who hailed from Texas, was of the great tradition of Southern blues and gospel but had that sound all her own -- a raw growl of the soul that was sexual, honest, wounded, and uncompromising.  When she got on stage, Joplin gave more than a little “piece of her heart,” she gave every ounce of courage, energy and emotion she had.  Too much, perhaps.

Perhaps my dose of Janis nostalgia is what drew my attention yesterday to a news item about a new study of heterosexual couples conducted by psychologists from the University of Arizona.  This research study asserts that men tend to “mimic” their partner’s emotions and moods in an effort to keep peace, love and understanding operative in the home.   My words, not theirs, but they capture  the essence of the study.  Smile.

I don’t know how it goes in your house , but even the slightest whiff of tension or bad humor usually propels the one who is in a better place to manage the gathering storm with a determined cheeriness or compassion (which, of course, can set off an argument if met with equally determined resistance from the one who is feeling stressed). 

Please notice, I’m discounting arguments, for the moment – because that’s fair fighting, or should be.  Arguments are not so much about reaction as they are action that neither party endorses, therefore requiring an emotional level playing field until both parties realize it’s time to give up the ghost and recover from individual grievances with a good night’s sleep.

This is not inconsistent with the University of Arizona study findings.  Women try to keep the peace whereas men copy their partner’s negativity.  (Note, this is best exemplified by asking for, getting or refusing directions when a man is driving his partner in a car).  They also suspect that men “sync” their emotions to their partner’s mood in an effort to avoid a drawn-out discussion…also sometimes known as an argument.  See above. 

So that’s why my husband wasn’t in a chatty mood last night!

But there’s good news for couples everywhere:  those who “listen openly” to a partner’s perspective and are “willing to negotiate” see huge health and well-being benefits that contribute to a longer, happier life.

In other words, while I will never be a blues legend like Janis, I have a decent shot at making it to my 80^th birthday with my favorite “ball & chain” by my side.  For the record, the thought of that makes me happy -- the best emotion of all.