Leading Ladies, Hook-Up Men

Sometimes my date with the Sunday newspapers turns out to be troubling.  Two articles really got to me this weekend:  The first, a short item in the Washington Post, focused on a new study about women business leaders being “damned if they do; damned if they don’t” -- if they act too confidently, they are penalized for their assertiveness, whereas those who fail to demonstrate assertive behaviors see their leadership undermined because they are “weak.”

The second piece, in the New York Times, was the real shocker:  Women students at elite universities are embracing the “hook-up” culture of casual sex in response to their singular, almost feral, focus on academic preparedness for the ȕber-competitive world of “1 percenter” professional success. 

What the hell is happening here?

Ok, study after study shows that women are better educated and better represented in companies and governments than ever before, yet still face the hard surface of the glass ceiling and pay inequality, which has gotten a little bit better but not much.  Men continue to get a “free pass” if they play either role in the office -- Alpha Aggressive Male or Cautious Company Man – according to the study cited by the Post.  Duh.

This is not a good situation, of course.  But things are changing, if at glacial speed, in part because more women are going to college than ever before.  And this country needs them.

The more troubling indictment, however – somewhat implicit in the first article, but more explicit in the second – is the tragic acknowledgment that success, money and the all-important “A” of American achievement can only be obtained by smart women through unbridled ambition for future success – even if that means eschewing relationships by opting for the casual carnality of the hook-up.

This what our talented daughters think they must do to get ahead.  And men, what are you thinking with?  (Uh, huh) 

I don’t mean to sound like an old fogey –  I was an undergraduate once, too, ya know – but we should be scared, all of us.  The message of “dog-eat-dog” competitiveness in the American economy has permeated all levels of society and is clearly messing with our kids' heads.  At the elite schools, ambition seems to trump empathy much of the time; ergo, the "easy A” vs. the harder “A” of academic achievement.  At lesser schools, the threat of failure amid sky-high college loans makes it nearly impossible for students to focus on getting the education they need to have a productive and satisfying life.  As for the rest of our kids, they just hope they can hang out at home until they get their act together or couple up with someone who has a clue.

These are complicated times and complicated issues.  I don’t have any answers, for sure, but I do believe this:  Americans have the talent, the economic wealth and the proud tradition of independent thinking and ingenuity to reinvent how we learn together, live together, and work together.  But I think we need a new national narrative – a more inclusive narrative -- about what success looks in this country. 

I want more women in the C-Suite to be sure, but when they get there, I want them guided by a moral compass with a True North;  committed to the power of building and inspiring relationships; confident and inclusive; and sensitive to the opinions of others but unafraid of them, too. 

There is nothing casual about this kind of leadership -- but then again, there is nothing casual about success, either.