Millennial Woman

“They are not like us at all,” my friend and former colleague said to me recently. 

We were talking about this new phenom – the Millennial Woman – whom Gen X-ers (like my friend), Boomers (like me), politicians, media advertisers and businesses are trying to figure out for a host of reasons.   

She is likely a colleague.  She’s finally starting to make some cash.  She will be paying for our health care and social security well into her future and ours.  She is everywhere. 

She is my daughter.

A few days before this conversation with my friend, I sat next to a Millennial Dynamo on the Acela train from NYC to DC.  She worked for a major consulting firm on their Apple (the company) business, shuttling back and forth to Cupertino, CA.  She loved the work and they were paying her “insane” money, she said with just a trace of indifference.  Still, she was getting tired of the travel and some of the job was boring and before she went to Stanford for her MBA (“I’ll totally get in,” she said) she thought she should maybe try one more career path…like in the next 6 months, because she was only going to put off the MBA for another year.  She was 23 – time was a’ wasting.

When I asked her why she felt she needed an MBA when she was already doing really challenging work and being paid very well for it, she shrugged.  “Oh, just because. It’s good to have in case, I guess.”

Got it.

I know not every millennial woman out there is like the Dynamo. Yes, this young woman represents a relatively elite subset of the millennial generation (teens and young adults born between 1984 and 2004).  Still, I wonder if her attitude is pretty common for this cohort of young woman overall.  Based on my observations of some really smart woman I work with – in addition to the 14-year old Millennial I live with -- my take on “The Millennial Woman” is:

·        Definitely post-feminist.  Unlike my generation (you’ll find me in the crown captured in the picture above with Gloria Steinem in 1974), the Millennial Woman doesn’t think much about uneven playing fields or cracking open one’s head on the glass ceiling.  She’s too busy being special – she was raised that way and just is.  She’s achievement oriented, sure, but she’s pretty Zen about it. She appears freewheeling in her attitudes, friendships, passions, etc., but she’s intentional about making them matter. But please, don’t make a big f-ing deal about it. 

·        Not careerist.  Millennial Woman doesn’t feel allegiance to any one career path or employer.  She will probably not get a “30-year” certificate and gold watch for service on the job, and it’s ok.  More likely she’ll be a consultant by day, a DJ by night…or a high school math teacher who plays in a rock band on weekends when her small catering business doesn’t have a gig.   It’s all good.

·        A teeny-weeny bit tight with a buck.  She knows the Great Recession was hard on her parents’ 401Ks and she’s tired of hearing them complain about it.  She also knows first-hand how tough the job market can be but doesn’t want to be a lifer, so she’s careful with her cash – and if that means living with her parents for a while, well that ok, because if the opportunity presents itself, like a start-up, she wants to fly.  By the way, this “tight with a buck” thing can be seen in 14-year-olds too.

·        Confident, even when she shouldn’t be… but that’s ok, too.  Mistakes are no big deal.  Everyone makes them.

·        Smart and ambitious – just don’t let it get in the way of having a life.

·        Wants to be mentored but not smothered.  Hear that work mom?  Real mom?  Me?

·        Wants to be heard when things are just.not.ok. And if you don’t hear her when she complains about salary or work-life balance or trust issues, she won’t let the door hit her on the way out.

·        Ok being alone, because she never really is.  Maybe it’s the illusion of privacy and social media exposure that’s made her this way, but the girl can happily work from home, avoid the office, skip the school dance or bar scene, be friendless on a weekend and still have a very busy, connected social persona via FaceTime and Snapchat.  I know, because I see my daughter do this most weekends.

I hope my friends who are Millennial Woman don't think I'm trivializing them -- far from it.

I love the Millennial Woman/Girl.  She may seem intense, charming and dreamily detached at the same time, but she’s aIso a little spikey on the inside.  A challenge.  Or, as my daughter said to me just this morning:  “Mom, if I was nice to you all the time I wouldn’t be interesting.” (She really did say that, trust me.)

The Millennial Woman has the guts and gumption her mom does, but she styles it differently for sure.  Maybe all of her uniqueness will dissipate the day that first kid arrives or she trots down the aisle with her partner of choice, but I suspect it won’t.

So you go, girl.  You are special.  Good luck. Take the world on in that preternaturally knowing way you have. I’ll probably need some of that luck, too, just to keep up with you.