Reflections on Summer Past

Summer vacation is over and the reality of a busy fall work season is staring me in the face, but I thought I’d take a moment to reflect on the good, the bad, and the boring of the past few months.

1.       Washington, D.C. is the new San Francisco.  Ok, that may be overstating things just a bit, but the D.C. weather this summer has been positively pleasant, not at all the typical hot-and-humid horror that makes me want to curl up into a ball on the sofa in my air conditioned family room.  No, not at all.

2.       I survived the Bay Bridge.  Really.  And I drove over that sucker 4 times in a 2-week period.  Screwed my courage to the sticking place, I did, just like Lady MacBeth told her husband to do…although it didn’t turn out so well for MacBeth, did it?  Anyway….

3.       Summer movies suck.  There, I said it.  I am officially over the summer movie season – but thank god the fall movie season is around the corner, making it safe for grown-ups to go back to the theatres again.  ‘Bout time.

4.       I didn’t lose the 50 pounds.  But then again, I never do….

5.       I didn’t gain the 20 pounds.  So, there is a little bit of good news….

6.       Looks like I’ll live another year.  At least, that’s according to my doctor who pronounced that I am in reasonably good health based on my annual physical.

7.       But I do have a lung CT tomorrow.  Just to be on the safe side, former smoker that I am.

8.       And I still have foot pain.  I think my hurting heel is something I’ll have to get used to.

9.       I’m getting a new bathroom!  I’m getting a new bathroom!  Isn’t that great?  It’s the little things in life…

10.   It’s almost Thanksgiving.  It’s my favorite holiday.  And it’s only 3 months away!!

Enjoy your Labor Day weekend.  We’ll be in touch soon.

 

The Bay Bridge Blues

It started about a year ago, shortly after the news of a night-time car accident that sent a woman and her car over the side of the bridge and into the waters of the Chesapeake below. 

I developed a phobia about driving over the Chesapeake Bay Bridge that links the Eastern shore of Maryland and Delaware Beaches to the North with the urban Western shore and the D.C. metro area.

I can handle just about any bridge you throw at me with little complaint, but not this bridge.  And when I say it’s a phobia, that’s being generous.  My heart races, my adrenalin surges, and my fingers lock around the steering wheel.  Holding my head in locked position as well (fear of heights, doncha know), it takes all of my will and concentration on the car directly in front of me to get me across.

I also talk to myself and sometimes shout obscenities as I drive the bridge’s 4.3 mile length that is considered one of the scariest in the world “because of its height, narrowness of the spans, low guardrails and the frequency of high winds.” (I must duly acknowledge Wikipedia for this description, but I knew it all intuitively based on the level of anxiety experienced in transit.)

Last weekend, I had to traverse the bridge twice in order to retrieve my daughter and her friend from their beautiful YMCA summer camp on the Eastern Shore of Virginia.  (I won’t offer a geography lesson, but to get to the Eastern Shore of Virginia from Northern Virginia in the shortest amount of time, you have to go up and over then down from the Eastern Shore of Maryland -- a real hike that requires the Bay Bridge route.)  Because I had two kids in the car, I tried to keep the panic relatively low-key – muttering to myself rather than, say, shouting out the f-bomb – all the while praying for god to be my co-pilot. 

Once we climb to the top of the bridge span and begin our descent to the “other side,” I start to relax a little, confident that I will live another day.  And so it was last weekend, although we were almost killed by a big black Chrysler sedan that cut us off as lanes narrowed on Route 50 just outside of D.C. – well beyond the Bay Bridge – but that story is off topic today, so I won’t bore you with it.

Anyway, I’m starting to get anxious in advance of this week’s journey across that bloody awful bridge as we head north for some beach time.  I’m sweating already just thinking about it.

I wish I could say that writing this post was a way of exercising my demons but it really isn’t.  I know what lies ahead and there’s very little you can do to help me.  

Wait, I’m wrong about that.  Just say a little prayer.

 

Ohm

I was talking with a dear friend this morning about the power of meditation and how it helps her navigate a demanding professional life.    Somehow she has learned to make the time to quiet her mind enough so that she can occupy a spiritual space of contemplation and, dare I say it, calm and contentment.

Damn.  Wish I knew how to do that.

Whenever I’ve tried to meditate, I find that within 60 seconds my brain-junk is busily disruptive and making noise, noise, noise.

I try deep breathing.  I try counting backwards.  I try focusing on a single word or thought.  I work on visualizing the ocean, let’s say, or a flower-filled garden.

And the chatter begins.  What will I make for dinner?  What did I forget to do today?  Why did I say what I said to so-and-so…and why did so-and-so say that to me?

You get the picture.

But today, my more enlightened friend intrigued me by describing the value of her meditations in a manner that was compelling:   It provides the perspective and empowerment of detachment.  

To paraphrase that scene from When Harry Met Sally:  I want what she's having.

I’m in a place in life right now where that power of detachment, as well as the calm and empathy it can bring, feels very right to me. ...a way of acknowledging the need to prepare for many life changes ahead as my parents pass, my daughter grows up and into her own life, and my wonderful husband and I look for one last adventure in ours.

I'm really not trying to be grim here; rather, I think it's wonderful to be intentional about emotional investments. As the swirl of change gathers force in my life, I'd rather face it with a feeling of steadiness and serenity rather than fear of the unknown or a compulsive urge to act.

Sign me up for that! 

So maybe it's time to give meditation another go. Now if only I can get my unquiet mind to shut the f-up....

Happy Thursday.