Tigresses

My teenaged daughter finds frequent fault with my behavior.  I talk too loud.  I kiss her too much.  I enjoy PDAs (public displays of affection), which are absolutely verboten.

In the morning carpool, I say good morning to the other kids – but my daughter rags at me about doing my job in silence.   When she puts Top 40 on in the car, and I start to bounce in my seat to "Shake It Off," she gives me her “Jinny the Judge” look.  And then, when I drop the kids off and wish them a good day, she just rolls her eyes as she hurries away from the car.

That’s why I was so surprised when we were chatting about not much of anything important, strolling through the mall for some post-Christmas shopping.  My daughter stopped, looked at me, and said I was “so confident.”  She even smiled.  Sort of.

I practically kissed her (actually, I did kiss her, which made her grimace).  I asked her why she said that.  And she said, “You’re just so sure you’re right about everything.”

“That’s not such a bad thing,” I said (assertively, of course).  “It’s good for women to be confident.”

“I’m not confident a lot of times,” she answered honestly.  “Except when I absolutely know I'm right about something.  But sometimes, you’re not right, Mom.”

“Sometimes,” I said.  “But not very often.” I smiled.  “When I’m wrong, though, I usually apologize, right?” I needed some reassurance and received a shrug in response.

We then moved on to one of our favorite debates:  the subject of age-appropriate clothing for school. 

Even so, I was thrilled that my daughter showed how well she knows me…or observes me, take your pick.  I am a confident person.  I do think I’m right about (most) everything, except when I’m not.  Just ask some of my bosses through the years. (It has come up once or twice during my annual reviews throughout the course of a 30+ year career).

In any event, what I should have said to her if I’d thought about it for more than a nano-second, was that it isn’t about thinking you’re right about everything all the time – it’s about not being afraid of being wrong.  Confidence reflects the willingness – indeed, obligation – to be authentically who you are and to say what you think, as long as it’s not intentionally hurtful or mean.   

Small moments in life sneak up on you and give you permission to consider big things about yourself.  Of all my flaws and my strengths, confidence is one of my favorite on both sides of life's ledger.  And I’m just tickled that my daughter “gets that” about me.  Now, I want to make sure that she “gets it” about herself.  On that score, I think we’re making progress.

Happy New Year.