By George, They've Got It!

   

Congratulations to the Duke and Duchess of Cambridge on their speedy selection of a proper name for their newborn prince:  George.

The name George has a distinguished pedigree throughout world history and our more contemporary times.  England’s patron saint is St. George and, of course, the media has widely commented on the importance of the name George to the current Queen of England – both her father and grandfather were King Georges (the VI and V, respectively).

Ok, that’s all well and good, but I suspect that the royals wanted to honor some other important Georges, as well, both male and female – which is only to be expected from a thoroughly modern couple such as the Cambridges.  Among those distinguished Georges are:

• George Handel, classical composer of The Messiah, among other beautiful pieces of music
• George Sand, scandalous female British author of the 19^th century
• George Eliot, female author of Silas Marner (for those who remember the days when you were made to read this book in grade school)
• George Orwell, another author of the futuristic novel 1984 and creator of “Big Brother” (not the TV show)
• George Gershwin, composer of Porgy and Bess and Rhapsody in Blue (and one of Woody Allen’s favorite composers)
• General George Patton, who defeated Nazis throughout Europe during World War II so the Brits like him a lot – plus George C. Scott, the American actor, won an Academy Award for playing him (I’d call this a “2-fer”)
• George Washington, because everyone knows his contribution to the “Special Relationship”
• "W" and "41," a.k.a. U.S. Presidents
• George Clooney, because he’s George Clooney
• George Lucas, Star Wars creator without whom we probably wouldn’t have Comic-Con International or the "Transformer" movies (I’m just saying…)
• Curious George, the chimp that launched a dozen children’s books….

…and George Harrison.  Duh.

So His Royal Highness Prince George of Cambridge (a.k.a. George Mountbatten-Windsor) has quite the storied name, indeed.  Long may he enjoy it!

Here’s to Thursday.

 

 

Ode de Toes

Today, I offer a brief salute to nail salons everywhere for the major service they provide to men and women around the world.

My macho husband has sternly resisted my efforts to get him to “come with” when I get a pedicure. He’d be a pedicurist’s delight – he has really big feet, long, long toes and large, well-rounded nail beds.  A pedicurist would consider it an honor to serve those feet.  But he thinks it’s “ick” when men get a pedicure (though I wonder how he’ll feel about pedicures when he’s 90 and his feet look like Howard Hughes’ with curly talons).

Frankly, I think pedicures are one of life’s greatest and under-appreciated pleasures and it would be sad if we lived in a world without them.  Think of it:  billions of naked, dull taupe-colored toe nails, many discolored and others “grown in” and painful; rough soles with cracked skin at the heels; achy lower shins and ankles, and in older men and women, the likelihood of some edema from lack of exercise. Not a pretty picture, is it?

Asian countries have strong traditions of pedicure and foot massage – especially the Chinese, who are smarter than the average human, I think – but it used to be that only wealthier Western women would indulge in their pleasures.  Not so anymore; pedicures are truly universal in their appeal.

When you get a really good pedicure, you know it.  You walk with more zip in your step.  Pedicures make you feel sexy even when you’re tired and have droopy hair.  Plus, there’s the 5-minute pedicure massage, a heavenly reminder of the essential contribution of feet to overall well-being.  And colorful feet look really pretty when women wear open-toed sandals and flip-flops….

So let’s hear it for our feet! 

I’ve always been indifferent about manicures because they don’t last very long and they do seem to be a wee bit extravagant, but not pedicures – never pedicures.  When there is a special occasion – like a wedding or vacation or holiday – I treat myself to one.  Or if I’ve just got the blues and want to do something nice for me, I make it my duty to visit a nail salon. 

If you have foot fatigue, mind melt from a crazy work day, one of those bad moods you just can’t shake – or if you have a vacation that you’re ready to begin a day or two early -- try my recipe for a major mood shift.  Kick up your heels and trust the toes.  They know their power, even if you don’t. 

   

 

The Royal Baby and Mad Max

As you know, Mrs. Sedd is 60 and therefore somewhat sensitive to the vagaries of aging.  Today’s newspaper made me think about this remarkable journey we call life from both ends of the road we travel. 

How lovely that England’s new princeling is provoking waves of joy and national pride among our favorite ally, a.k.a The Brits, who, if our newspapers in the U.S. are to be believed, are feeling pretty dour these days due to the crap economy in the U.K.   That said, a bonny lad born to a beauteous, common-born duchess and the son of the woman who should have been Queen will result in a little boomlet for the British economy from alcohol sales alone, I reckon. Pubs from Knightsbridge to Dover will be busy tonight and in the days ahead as monarchists and republicans alike celebrate a new heir to the throne – a future CEO of the billion-dollar business known as Great Britain’s monarchy.

Hooray, young lad (and you too, Will ‘n Kate).  Hearty congratulations on being the face that will sell a million tea towels.  But watch out for those paparazzi. 

At the other end of my reveries on the life journey today is a Princeton University study measuring workplace age discrimination.

In this study, 3 men of different ages, 25, 45 and 75 years – and all named “Max” for headline value, I suppose -- offer the exact same description of themselves, word for word, but with one twist:  “Old Max” says he feels no obligation to share his wealth with relatives while the other two say they would share wealth with relatives.

Bottom line?  No one likes the selfish old guy.

The Princeton researchers believe this indicates a subtle bias against older men and women workers, but I disagree:  it’s about the money.  No one likes stingy Scrooge; but everyone likes the old coot who buys a big old goose for Bob Cratchit and his family.  In fact, when subjects in the study read an article about sufficient resources bring available for all generations as our population aged, the “age bias” effect essentially disappeared, according to one of Princeton’s researchers. 

I rest my case.

I’m not sure about the bigger existential questions associated with birth, death and everything in between, except to say this:  Today’s post, I guess, is really all about money. 

·         Yesterday’s Royal Birth is the gift that will keep on giving to the British economy throughout the Prince’s life, if past is prologue.

·         If older men and women want to keep working they better make a habit of letting their co-workers know that all their money is going to  relatives when they pass (if there’s any left, that is)

·         Always offer to share your lunch with younger, less fortunate colleagues who forgot theirs or don’t have money for the vending machine.
 

Time for a pint.

 

Lazy

One of the things I like best about summer and its stifling weather?  The permission you give yourself to be lazy because it’s just too damn hot.

Take this weekend, for example.  I accomplished only 3 tasks, really:  Weekly laundry (with a big assist from my husband), a trip to Target to buy cheap stuff for my daughter’s trip to camp (can’t beat $14.95 for a set of twin sheets and a pillowcase!) and grocery shopping.  That’s it, that’s all…not a movie, not a dinner out.  I was just purely and unrepentantly…

Lazy.

I was even lazy about walking our dog, Shasha, who didn’t seem to mind too much because she felt as worn out as I did, so she did what she needed to do with efficiency, then panted and slow-walked back into the house and the comfort of air conditioning and the family room sofa.

Lazy.

Even my daughter was pokey this weekend.  Her usual Friday night sleepover at a friend’s house wore her out, so a quiet Saturday was in order.  She worked her social media networks, as always, but she also did some…reading!!!  I congratulated her, and in a slightly dismissive tone, she told me that her book was actually good but she was only reading it because it was too hot and she was too tired to do anything else.

Lazy.

And then my wonderful husband, who started staining our small deck on the side of the house about 3 weeks ago, went to the hardware store to get more stain so he could finish the job (finally) but gave it up due to the heat.  Plus, the Tour de France and the British Open were on TV, along with a new episode of Top Gear …and because it was so hot outside, he felt like he could stay in and just sit on his throne-chair and watch TV and be a little bit…lazy.

How lovely.   Happy Monday!

 

Passwords

I have 62 different passwords currently in use to access a wide variety of accounts and websites in my daily living.

That’s right, 62.  And none of them are probably very secure.

Millions of people around the globe – if not billions – increasingly are using online communications to manage paying bills, watching money, investing in stock, buying books, trading in cars, finding designer duds at discount, tracking down just the right furniture, scoring the newest indie record or film, you name it.

All of that buying-transacting-managing requires passwords.  It also invites scrutiny—from thieves, governments, even your own employer.

As we’ve learned from Edward Snowden, online snooping is pretty ubiquitous.  Everyone’s doing it.  Good guys, bad guys, ex-wives and husbands, disgruntled lovers, helicopter parents:  we may love the Internet – it’s completely changed all of our lives, mostly for the better --  but we’ve lost our souls, ah privacy, in return for the having the world at our fingertips.

I’m really struggling with what I can do to A) better protect my identity and my privacy (not necessarily the same) and B) safely manage access to the information I seek.

The experts say that the cardinal rules for digital defense of your life involve protecting your passwords by regularly changing them or using encryption; fooling thieves by using tracking blocker tools so that they can’t follow you around the Web through your browser; avoiding the cloud except for stuff you don’t mind someone knowing about (like the government); and regular software updates to ensure that security bugs get fixed on your devices, laptops, desktops.

Ok, that’s all well and good – but what tools are best and safest?  How many times should you update software?  And are encrypted passwords really, really safe?

Then there’s the different products and provider companies, like PGP (Pretty Good Privacy) or Spider Oak or KoolSpan – way, way too cloak and dagger-ish for this 60 year-old gal who knows enough to get her job done and post her blog each day, but that’s about it.

This leads me back to the future –where we’re being dragged every hour, every day, every year against our will.  When will we just use biometrics or chips under our skin to manage all of this?  And will we evolve into cyborgs before it’s all said and done? (Although I know I’ll be long gone, this somehow troubles me.  It’s my periodic “end-of-days” OCD, if you will.)

But still…I can’t live without it.  Amazon.  iBooks.  EBay.  Paypal.  Cyber-crooks and our mutating cyborg bodies be dammed!

Sorry, gotta go log on now.  Time to buy Momma a brand new bag.

Giving Up the Ghost

I read a funny piece in Slate yesterday about “Ghosting” – and learned a new term for something I’ve often done and always felt slightly guilty about.

Also known as the “Irish Goodbye” or the “French exit” for culturally insensitive reasons, ghosting is when you leave a social gathering without saying your farewells.  One minute you’re there, the next you’re “poof” – gone like a ghost.  And while some may wonder where you’ve gone off to, most won’t notice your absence for an instant -- or at least, that’s the hope. 

It’s generally been considered rude to leave without saying goodbye to your hosts; that’s why the English tend to call this behavior the “French exit” because, you know, they generally think the French are rude to the bone (not in my experience, by the way).  In the U.S., apparently, we prefer calling this the “Irish goodbye” because, according to the Slate piece, it “hints that the vanished person was too tipsy to manage a proper denouement.”

Hmm.  Times have changed and so has our culture.  Maybe we just need to think about this in new, more relevant ways:

•   The SMART Toodle-oo. Text your goodbyes on your way out the door.
•   The Tea Party Exit.  Shoot your AK47 in the air and shout as loud as you can, “see ya”!
•   The Gangsta Goodbye.  Make eye contact with your host and thump your chest 3 times with your fist. No speaking required.
•   The So Long Sucker.  Email your host an invoice for the time you were in attendance. This could become very popular in Washington, D.C. and New York too, where we live or die by the billable hour.

As I’ve said, ghosting is something I’ve done from time to time through the years, particularly when I’ve had to attend networking events that people in my business need to participate in, especially early in your career when you’re trying to make new contacts for your company or new job opportunities for yourself.   In many instances, though, I rarely know the people in attendance so I’m reasonably certain no one gives a crap if I’m there or not.

Now I do think it’s a bit different when you have to attend a friend’s wedding, engagement party, or a holiday party or barbecue (although I have tiptoed out the front door at a few of those kinds of events too).

Seth Stevenson, the author of the Slate piece, really believes you’re doing your host or hostess a mitzvah by ghosting because saying goodbye is “meaningless, uncomfortable, good time-dampening kabuki.”  If you feel bad about leaving without offering thanks, you can always send an email the next morning, he recommends. 

But, on further reflection, Mr. Stevenson’s recommendation may not be enough, especially if you’ve ghosted people you know in a significant way (colleague, friend, ex, or useful business or social acquaintance).  Maybe it’s old school, but  at the very least I’d recommend sending flowers or a good bottle of wine to your hosts so they know you are really and truly glad to been included in their social whirl.  They still won’t likely remember anything about your presence the night before, but they'll never forget you were there, and more importantly, they'll be glad you were.

That’s called the “Gracious Farewell” – and it works like a charm, every time, I can tell you.

 

  

Listen and Lead...or Get Out of the Way

I love to see female colleagues succeed in life, especially when they are smart, focused and deeply committed to their work. 

This week, I’ve had the pleasure of talking to two of them, both of whom I’ve known professionally for more than a decade. 

The first woman is someone I hired in the late 90s to support a piece of business I was managing.  She joined our firm, took off like a rocket, and never stopped.  She’s succeeded, in part, because she does something exceptionally well that most folks in positions of authority don’t do enough of today:  She listens to people before she acts, aggregating different points of view so that she can navigate a team toward a consensus that produces results.  Like a talented retail politician, she’s got empathy to spare and actually enjoys being with others.  Her reward?  She’s just been named Chief Communications Officer for one of our country’s most storied and successful companies.  Congratulations, my friend!

The second female colleague is a client of mine. After nearly 2 decades with her company, she’s decided to take all she has learned and reframe her career by becoming a consultant.  She’ll be a damn fine one, too, because like my other friend, she is an active listener and aggregator of information, opinions, and different perspectives.  And she’s not afraid to make a decision based on what she learns.  Best of luck in your new career – you won’t regret it!

So here are my takeaways.

·         Listeners are not afraid of risk but weigh costs, benefits, people and politics before they act.

·         Listeners are more effective leaders when their decisions marry the head and the heart.

·         Leaders tend to be exceptional – and deeply respectful -- listeners.
 

This leads me to our political leaders – who, frankly, aren’t.  I live in the Beltway “bubble,” and have been a political junkie my entire life.  From the chaos of the 60s to the economic upheaval of the past 5 years, I’ve always believed that our country has been blessed with leaders who actually try to lead because they embrace governance as a good, not an evil.

I don’t think so today, sadly.  Look at the state of our national politics – whether it’s the “nuclear option” bluster surrounding presidential appointees in the U.S. Senate or the utterly ungovernable and mean-spirited House of Representatives.  Instead of statesmanship, we get gamesmanship; instead of compromise, we get “my way or the highway” defiance and disrespect. 

The results? To name just a few (because it’s a very long list):  Our economy’s recovery is being adversely affected because of constant squabbles over the debt ceiling, or deficits or tax policy; the “safety net” for the poor is being shredded (say goodbye to food stamps for families with children?); the NRA calls the shots when it comes to guns in our homes, on our streets and in our school houses;  and basic civil rights are being undermined or disregarded through the systematic dismantling of voter rights and women’s rights.

Success in life, work and yes, even in our democracy, comes only when our heads and our hearts are open to the realities, perspectives, needs and challenges of others.    My two female colleagues know this in their bones, and they will succeed wherever they go, whatever they do. 

As for our country, it will take more than a few good men…and women…to turn things around.  Sadly, we may have to wait until 2014’s new congress, or 2016’s presidential election for that to happen given the poisonous political climate in Washington.

Hillary? Chris Christie? I hope you’re both listening. 

Read All About It!

Newspapers – for those of us who still read them -- are full of tidy as well as terrifying little tidbits of information about life, people, the world and our experience of all those things.  In this post, I thought I’d share a short list of topics in today’s global conversation – with a splash of editorializing because this is a blog, after all, not a newspaper. 

1.       Men are running out of sperm.  According to a new French study reported in today’s Wall Street Journal, the average sperm count of 35-year-old men decreased more than 30% from 1989 to 2005.   Now there are lots of reasons for this:  Maternal smoking (it can start in the womb), shampoos (the phthalates in plastic bottles are endocrine disrupters which lower the count), sedentary jobs, fatty foods, hot water (bathing! Mon dieu!) and marijuana consumption (can’t imagine that marijuana boosts one’s sex drive, so duh! to that),among others.  Editorializing alert!  This is not good news for humankind and may ultimately lead to the rise of the machines predicted in the Terminator movies.

2.       Yahoo’s Melissa Mayer celebrates her first year as CEO.  The stock price is up by 75%, and Mayer has given new meaning to the words “shopping spree” by snapping up 17 tech start-ups, including Tumblr, in her first year on the job, despite the fact that the company still lags its competitors and isn’t making major money.  Mayer also has taken some hits for her controversial decisions about “work from home” flexibility while building a nifty nursery off the corner office…but at least she’s improved parental leave policies while proving to be a decisive, strong leader.  Hell, as the 6^th CEO at the company over the last 5 years, the fact that she’s even still showing up for work probably bodes well for the business.  You go girl!

3.       Nearly one-quarter of Wall Street insiders surveyed for a study on ethics, values and integrity in the financial services industry admitted that they would “engage in insider trading to make $10 million if they could get away with it.”  And 23 percent of those surveyed had personal knowledge of workplace wrongdoing.  Is it any wonder why Main Street America doesn’t trust Wall Street? 

4.       People who delay retirement lessen their risk of getting Alzheimer’s disease.   These findings too are from a French study.  For the record, retirement age in France is 60 – and was recently cut from 62 by the Socialist government of Francoise Hollande. Hmmm.  Are we forgetting something here?

5.       Technology in the classroom is making students better collaborators than writers.  WTF – what do u thnk?

Until tomorrow.

 

 

Leading Ladies, Hook-Up Men

Sometimes my date with the Sunday newspapers turns out to be troubling.  Two articles really got to me this weekend:  The first, a short item in the Washington Post, focused on a new study about women business leaders being “damned if they do; damned if they don’t” -- if they act too confidently, they are penalized for their assertiveness, whereas those who fail to demonstrate assertive behaviors see their leadership undermined because they are “weak.”

The second piece, in the New York Times, was the real shocker:  Women students at elite universities are embracing the “hook-up” culture of casual sex in response to their singular, almost feral, focus on academic preparedness for the ȕber-competitive world of “1 percenter” professional success. 

What the hell is happening here?

Ok, study after study shows that women are better educated and better represented in companies and governments than ever before, yet still face the hard surface of the glass ceiling and pay inequality, which has gotten a little bit better but not much.  Men continue to get a “free pass” if they play either role in the office -- Alpha Aggressive Male or Cautious Company Man – according to the study cited by the Post.  Duh.

This is not a good situation, of course.  But things are changing, if at glacial speed, in part because more women are going to college than ever before.  And this country needs them.

The more troubling indictment, however – somewhat implicit in the first article, but more explicit in the second – is the tragic acknowledgment that success, money and the all-important “A” of American achievement can only be obtained by smart women through unbridled ambition for future success – even if that means eschewing relationships by opting for the casual carnality of the hook-up.

This what our talented daughters think they must do to get ahead.  And men, what are you thinking with?  (Uh, huh) 

I don’t mean to sound like an old fogey –  I was an undergraduate once, too, ya know – but we should be scared, all of us.  The message of “dog-eat-dog” competitiveness in the American economy has permeated all levels of society and is clearly messing with our kids' heads.  At the elite schools, ambition seems to trump empathy much of the time; ergo, the "easy A” vs. the harder “A” of academic achievement.  At lesser schools, the threat of failure amid sky-high college loans makes it nearly impossible for students to focus on getting the education they need to have a productive and satisfying life.  As for the rest of our kids, they just hope they can hang out at home until they get their act together or couple up with someone who has a clue.

These are complicated times and complicated issues.  I don’t have any answers, for sure, but I do believe this:  Americans have the talent, the economic wealth and the proud tradition of independent thinking and ingenuity to reinvent how we learn together, live together, and work together.  But I think we need a new national narrative – a more inclusive narrative -- about what success looks in this country. 

I want more women in the C-Suite to be sure, but when they get there, I want them guided by a moral compass with a True North;  committed to the power of building and inspiring relationships; confident and inclusive; and sensitive to the opinions of others but unafraid of them, too. 

There is nothing casual about this kind of leadership -- but then again, there is nothing casual about success, either.

 

Things I Love Today

As another work week comes to a close and I contemplate the weekend ahead, I thought I would celebrate life by sharing with you just a few things that I love today, this very day. So here goes:

1.       My daughter’s pale pink, sheer and very “on trend” camp shirt – one of the 7 similar shirts she bought for nearly $100 without my permission when she went shopping at Marshall’s with a friend and her mother.  Of course, she has good taste so I forgave her just so long as she never does it again.

2.       My iPad – because I literally can’t live without it anymore.

3.       Neil Gaiman’s new novel, The Ocean at the End of the Lane -- it reminds me of A Wrinkle in Time, probably one of my favorite books as a kid.  And it’s spooky good reading for tweens and/or their parents.  Here’s to family reading hour!

4.       Midget-sized Twix candy bars -- there is always a jar of miniature chocolates filled regularly throughout the day in my office’s little “coffee house” space where employees mix and mingle (about work, of course!).  Boy, Twix are wicked good.  I try not to haunt that jar too often during the day.

5.       Summer – especially July.  I’m not a huge fan of August because by that time I’m so done with the heat and humidity of the season and I’m ready to sprint toward the end-of-year holidays. However, July is pretty great:  hot but not horrible, slower-paced than June, better commuting traffic to and from work and not as many mosquitos when I sit outside with a glass of wine at the end of a long day. Sweet.

6.       Vacation – it’s coming at the end of July and I can’t wait.  Six beach days.  Heaven.

7.       My treadmill – I’ve reacquainted myself with the joys of 20-30 minutes of treading first thing in the morning and I’m happier for it.  We’ll see how long that lasts!

8.       Big Bang Theory -- funny, funny, funny, all the time.  I know I’ve said this to you before, but this show is LOL, and I can’t say that about too many things on TV or in life these days.

9.       This blog – I can’t tell you how much I enjoy writing to you and even sometimes for you…although, truth be told, these little missives have the effect on me of the best retail therapy ever – and that’s saying something.

10.   My family – always and every day.  Including my grumpy dad.

Hope you appreciate or share at least one of the things you love today, too.  And that is my “happy weekend” wish for you!

 

When I'm 64

 

The Beatles were on my iPod last night and "When I'm 64" made me think for a few minutes about what my life might be like then.  Among the more important concerns:

n  Will I still be blonde?

n  Will I have a neck that doesn’t look like a turkey?

n  Will my daughter talk to me? (She'll be 16!)

n  Will I be a Size 10? (Hint:  I’m not now)

n  Will I take yoga?

n  Will I need medical marijuana?

n  Will I still ride a bike?

n  Will I drive a convertible?

n  Will I be writing this blog?

n  Will I be…you know… “around”?

Don’t know about you, but I’m going with “yes.”

Happy Thursday.

Cleaning Lady

For the past 20 years, I have employed household help to keep my house clean.  During the first 10 years, my housekeeper came once a month; but with my daughter’s arrival and the chaos of daily life involving school, work, home and everything that goes with them, I’ve had someone come twice a month.  A lovely woman, our cleaning lady certainly does a much better job than I could ever do, even if her work doesn’t always perfectly pass the “run-your-finger- across-the-windowsill” test.  She does change our bedding though – and washes it too – which in my book qualifies her for sainthood and more than compensates for any little lapses when it comes to dusting.

Plus, I file and pay taxes for her like a good citizen should.  I’m just putting that out there in case anyone ever wants to nominate me for Secretary of the Treasury, or something.

Like other families, my husband and I are looking to better manage our monthly expenses as we get closer to retirement.  Reducing or eliminating household cleaning help would save us about $2500 a year, which is not insignificant when you consider the discipline required for living on a fixed income.

But I have to tell you:  I’d rather give up my shoe and purse addictions than give up my housekeeper.  I’d rather start using coupons religiously each week at the grocery store than give up my housekeeper. 

I’d rather stop using credit cards than….uh, no.  That will never happen.

But honestly, I’m not sure where else to really try to economize.  It’s not like my husband and I have an expensive “date night” each week that’s eroding our disposable income; our date night typically involves Comcast’s “On Demand” movie feature at $4 a pop and a couple of Weight Watchers ice cream sandwiches washed down with Diet Coke.

But I do know at some point I’m going to have to seriously consider the housekeeper issue, as I was reminded last week when I read an article about “speed cleaning.”  Huh?

Don’t be fooled:  this is a strategy that women -- who still are largely responsible for this delightful household chore -- are increasingly embracing, whereby they do a little bit of cleaning every day (“drive by swiping” and clean-ups here and there) rather than dedicating hours on a Saturday to getting the house in some sort of order.  But the house still has to be cleaned, even if one does it in chunks.  In fact, I’ve been embracing this strategy when it comes to doing the laundry (3 big loads on Friday, 3 on Saturday, 2 on Sunday, then we’re good to go for 4 days!) but I haven’t really seriously considered this as a disciplined exercise for housekeeping. 

Come to think of it (note to self), I still haven’t stripped the guest room sofa bed or put that room back into its usual state of disorder since my visiting in-laws left to return to their Indiana home on Sunday.  Guess I better get to that tonight – and maybe straighten the family room a little bit, possibly the kitchen too – because my housekeeper is coming tomorrow.

Nope.  I will never give her up.  Never.

 

Remembrance of Things Past

Trending alert:  Sudden feelings of nostalgia for the past – people, place, or things – are no longer considered borderline suicidal or a sign of mental illness.  After nearly 10 years of study, doctors now agree that nostalgia is a good thing because it gives human beings a sense of context, roots and progression in life.

According to an article in today’s New York Times, most people experience some nostalgia about once a week, and nearly half experience it 3 or 4 times a week.  Whew -- I’m sure glad it’s not a sign of an emotional disorder because I’ve been thinking about the past a lot lately.

Feeding the beast of this blog has made me more observant, I think, about my feelings regarding different things I read, see or do on any given day; these serve as pretty powerful triggers for remembering something from my past.  Not all the memories are wonderful, but sometimes they are absolutely so.

I’m particularly nostalgic about my childhood lately as I observe my daughter going through the various stages of shedding her little girl-ness while she morphs into adolescence.  She wants more independence.  So did I at her age, and I got it, too -- being allowed to ride my bike from one part of town to another across a busy highway, or walking 4 or 6 or more blocks by myself to go to a friend’s house.  Trust me; there is no way I will let her do either of these things today; too many weirdoes and sex offenders out there.  

I’ve also been feeling pretty nostalgic about my parents lately, mostly because they are so old and infirm and housebound now.  I remember when they were young and energetic and glamorous which, in my mind, lasted until they were well into their 70s.  When I was a girl, my father looked like a god when he stepped out of the ocean after a strong swim in an even stronger current, and the memory of that brings a smile to my lips.   I’m nostalgic for happy family times on our boat, moored at a beach community for weeks at a time during the summer, with ocean swimming and long beach walks during the day, grilled burgers at night, and gentle waves at night to rock us to sleep.  Wish we could do that today....

...but today, neither my dad nor mother can navigate their home without a walker.

Still, these periodic bouts of nostalgia make me happy even when they make me sad. Remembering the movie of my life helps give it all meaning, while steering me in the direction of choices that matter based on my past experiences.

So here’s to nostalgia…for my carefree childhood, my parents in their prime, my first BFFs and size 6 teenaged self, and that first kiss from my husband, among many, many other wonderful memories.  As long as I can remember that girl from the past, I’m reasonably certain I can handle (most) whatever the future holds.     

 

Power Juggling

Although Sheryl Sandberg’s Lean In continues at the top of the New York Times bestseller list, millions of American woman don’t have time to read her book about powering their way to the top of the corporate ladder because they’re spending hours each day and night trying to figure out how to manage the basics of family life and their careers.

As we’ve gotten older and less careerist about our work lives, my husband and I sought flexible arrangements which our employers agreed to:  He works at home on Mondays, and after years of doing the same on Fridays, I recently reduced my schedule to four days a week.  But that still keeps Tuesday, Wednesday and Thursday in play.  How to manage?

My daughter’s summer school program starts at 9:00 am and it takes a good 30 minutes (or more, depending on traffic) to get to our respective offices.  And then, to manage a 2 pm pick-up at school means leaving the office at 1:30.  The soonest I can get “on line” at home and complete the workday is 60 minutes later.  

Our solution is that on the days my husband picks our daughter up (usually Monday and one other day TBD),  I’ll do the drop off and vice versa.  So if I don’t have to take my daughter to school, I can get in the office by 7:45 and put in 6 solid hours before I have to leave for school pick-up duties.  We’re also part-time car poolers with another mother, and when she does the pick-up from school, I get to stay at the office until 3 before I have to pick up my daughter at the other mother’s home at 3:30.  Are you still with me?  Tired yet? Bored?  Me too.

I hate traffic, by the way. 

When I walk through my front door, lugging my laptop and daughter in tow, the dog is begging for a walk and to be fed.  My daughter is in desperate need of a snack. (Tweens are always hungry because they’re always growing.) That takes about 20 minutes (at least)…

Notice, I didn’t mention my lunch, which came from a vending machine (closer, faster) rather than a restaurant, food truck or fast food place.  Yum.

August was proving to be a true challenge until we talked our daughter into attending a sleep away camp, followed by a 10-day visit to Florida with one of her close friends and her mother.  I’ll miss my daughter terribly, I can tell you – we’ll be Face Timing and texting like mad – but I won’t have to burn through remaining vacation or unpaid leave days, thank god, to cover off the month until school starts again. 

Many female colleagues of mine, especially those who aren’t married or with children, are hungry for the excitement, challenge and bigger better paydays (and golden parachutes!) of the really big jobs in my profession.  They are leaning in like mad and good for them!  However, I don’t want more responsibility or stress-induced adrenalin in my life, thanks very much.  I could really use the money, of course, but that’s what state lotteries are for, eh? 

In the meantime, me and my sisters lean out where we can, lean in if we can, power juggle as many balls as we can, and buy lottery tickets for the Powerball payoff whenever we can. 

Sigh.  At least during the regular school year, pick-up isn't until 3.30.

Happy Monday.

 

 

 

 

 

My Queen is Cranky

My Queen is in summer school and none too happy about it.  

My Queen also has her summer packet of pre-algebra math assignments and 3 books to read and prepare book reports about – her first graded project of the new school year  -- and she’s starting to feel like it’s enough already.  When does work stop and summer begin?

I feel her pain.  I have worked every summer since I was 15 (really – that’s 45 summers for those who are counting) and I’m not wild about it either.  I’d much rather have a beach house and walk barefoot on the sand every day, risking skin cancer from over-exposure to the sun, ending my day with a lovely meal of lobster or crab or mahi mahi with a crisp Pinot Grigio, please! 

Sigh.  Instead of my beautiful beach fantasy life, it's raining outside while I sit hunched over my computer.  My Queen is reading one of her assigned and “boring” books for the summer, and she’s hungry for a snack after a long school day (she’s eating like a truck driver these days – constantly, but healthily, because she’s growing).  It seems she has decided she only likes fresh salsa with her tortilla chips and not the bottled stuff (as of 3:22 this afternoon) and her tutor is supposed to come tonight and she’s just tired, tired, tired and can’t focus.    

And then:  “What’s for dinner, Mom?  You know I hate pork tenderloin…. I’m a part-time vegetarian. Nevermind, I’ll just have soup and salad.  We don’t have Caesar dressing????!”

Big frown and major stink eye from My Queen directed at her Queen Mother.

I don’t want to eat pork tenderloin tonight either, but too bad – it’s what we have.

Then, who rides up in his white Hyundai Sonata-Steed?  It’s…the King of our castle.  And with Chinese food, too!!  Problem solved.  All is well in the kingdom again…at least until the grim reality of summer school, work and unappetizing dinner options reappears.

In closing, Mrs. Sedd and family will be celebrating our great nation’s birthday by doing as little as possible over the extra-long holiday weekend.  I may miss you all too much and feel compelled to write during that time…but then again, I might not. Let’s let it be a surprise…for all of us.

Enjoy your 4^th, be grateful for the fact that sequester didn’t kill our capital city’s fireworks display for all to enjoy on PBS, and eat at least 1 hotdog for me.

Cheers and Happy Birthday, USA.

Chomping at the Bitcoin

You’ve gotta love the Winklevoss Twins.

You know who they are?  Remember the  ”to the manor born” brothers who were rowing champions at Harvard, the guys who battled Mark Zuckerberg, another really likeable guy, over  the creation and ownership of Facebook, Inc. ?  Those guys.

They settled their Facebook claim against Zuckerberg for about $65 million dollars some time ago.  Now they’re using some of that chump change  to fund an initial public offering of the “Winklevoss Trust” that allows other investors to purchase shares in their latest “disruptive” online innovation.

The Twins, as they are known to those in the know and their attorneys, will sell $20M in shares to create a more robust trading market in bitcoins, which will operate like exchange traded funds. As the Wall Street Journal describes it, the Winklevoss Twins want to create the next and more sophisticated investment mechanism in what is “ultimately a peer-to-peer payment system that allows people to pay one another using the currency from virtual accounts accessed online and on mobile devices.” 

Sounds good until you realize that…

Bitcoin was launched in 2009 by a developer whose identify remains unknown – Edward Snowden? How else can he afford to live in a Moscow airport?

Plus, this is important:  the money isn’t backed by a central governing body, such as the Federal Reserve.  Because that would take most of the fun – I mean, risk – out of it.  And users remain mostly anonymous save for their ‘bitcoin” address.

People, am I the only one who thinks nothing good can come of this?

Bitcoin is secret currency, manipulated for profit by secret investors.  Young tech investors carrying enormous college debt who are also in search of the next big thing (along with their soon-to-be- retired helicopter parents, who will finance this out of their under-resourced retirement savings account) will likely want in because everybody loves the idea of getting rich quick -- and let’s face it, retirement is expensive these days.

Even if bitcoin turns out to be very virtually profitable, it also represents another significant step in the evolution of our most seductive product as a country:  money and its ultimate control by a relatively small group of people who never seem to lose their money like the rest of it us when the bubble bursts. 

So, high rollers – welcome to digital dialing for dollars, brought to you by the guys who believe they created Facebook, but maybe didn’t really if you’ve seen Aaron Sorkin’s The Social Network (great movie, by the way).  Beware how you play the bitcoin game with them, though, because these dudes don’t like to lose.  And they’ve got the cold hard real cash money to prove it.

 

Ball & Chain

My husband and I went to see a really terrific musical at Arena Stage in Washington, D.C. this past Friday night, “A Night with Janis Joplin.” (Note to New Yorkers:  It’s coming to Broadway soon!)

Although Janis isn’t particularly well known to Gen X’ers and their younger brethren, she was a hugely influential performer until she died at the age of 27 from a drug overdose in 1970.

In any event, this show was staged as a small “club” performance by Joplin, covering all her major songs with power and passion.  But more than featuring lots of stagey banter between Joplin and her faux “audience” about her love life, or affection for hard drugs and Southern Comfort (her poisons of choice), the show really was a review of an important musical career in the context of legendary female blues influences on her sound, such as Odetta, Bessie Smith, Big Mama Thornton and Aretha, etc.   The Joplin doppelganger who performed in the show, Mary Bridget Davies, was amazing – and I say this having seen Joplin at Madison Square Garden on the eve of my 17^th birthday.    

Janis, who hailed from Texas, was of the great tradition of Southern blues and gospel but had that sound all her own -- a raw growl of the soul that was sexual, honest, wounded, and uncompromising.  When she got on stage, Joplin gave more than a little “piece of her heart,” she gave every ounce of courage, energy and emotion she had.  Too much, perhaps.

Perhaps my dose of Janis nostalgia is what drew my attention yesterday to a news item about a new study of heterosexual couples conducted by psychologists from the University of Arizona.  This research study asserts that men tend to “mimic” their partner’s emotions and moods in an effort to keep peace, love and understanding operative in the home.   My words, not theirs, but they capture  the essence of the study.  Smile.

I don’t know how it goes in your house , but even the slightest whiff of tension or bad humor usually propels the one who is in a better place to manage the gathering storm with a determined cheeriness or compassion (which, of course, can set off an argument if met with equally determined resistance from the one who is feeling stressed). 

Please notice, I’m discounting arguments, for the moment – because that’s fair fighting, or should be.  Arguments are not so much about reaction as they are action that neither party endorses, therefore requiring an emotional level playing field until both parties realize it’s time to give up the ghost and recover from individual grievances with a good night’s sleep.

This is not inconsistent with the University of Arizona study findings.  Women try to keep the peace whereas men copy their partner’s negativity.  (Note, this is best exemplified by asking for, getting or refusing directions when a man is driving his partner in a car).  They also suspect that men “sync” their emotions to their partner’s mood in an effort to avoid a drawn-out discussion…also sometimes known as an argument.  See above. 

So that’s why my husband wasn’t in a chatty mood last night!

But there’s good news for couples everywhere:  those who “listen openly” to a partner’s perspective and are “willing to negotiate” see huge health and well-being benefits that contribute to a longer, happier life.

In other words, while I will never be a blues legend like Janis, I have a decent shot at making it to my 80^th birthday with my favorite “ball & chain” by my side.  For the record, the thought of that makes me happy -- the best emotion of all.