The Death of Archie

Say goodbye to another totem of 1950’s boomer kid-dom:  Archie Andrews, the carrot-top cutie who won the adoration of both Betty and Veronica, is being terminated literally and figuratively in what is touted to be the final installment of “Life with Archie.”

In the last issue, published tomorrow, Archie dies selflessly as he protects his gay best friend, a newly elected U.S. Senator and gun-control advocate, from an assassination attempt.

Puh-leeese.

This is a far cry from participating in goofy escapades with Jughead and the girls in the fictional, All-American Riverdale, USA  – adventures that often ended with raccoon  eyes and a cartoon bubble filled with stars, exclamation points, squiggles and hash marks hanging over Archie’s head.

In an Associated Press story published today, Archie’s publisher says that the comic-book-boy-next-door dies “in the manner that epitomizes not only the best of Riverdale but the best of all of us.”

Ok, the news about Archie got my attention and probably yours, too.  PR is a wonderful thing.
But Archie killed protecting a U.S. Senator?  Really?

Archie has been a comic right-of-passage for generations of American kids who spent hours reading and laughing along with him and his buddies.  Boys, girls, young, old – everyone “got” Archie.  He courted trouble.  He made people laugh.  He pissed off Betty and Veronica.  He was wholesome and freckled, an Andy Hardy for his times. (For those of you who don’t understand my Andy Hardy reference, I recommend  spending a little time watching Turner Classic Movies on a Saturday or Sunday afternoon.) 

The ‘50s is a distant but cherished memory to those of us who survived them.  Even though we lived through the omnipresent fear of nuclear annilation, the injustice of segregation, sexual repression, and lots of other stuff too, life was simpler and seemingly safer – for Archie and for most of his fans.  What suburban kid didn't feel it was safe to hop on a bike, ride a mile to a neighborhood candy store to pick up the latest Archie comic, and know that they wouldn't wind up being featured on a milk carton?

Like the typical kid's life in the 50s, Archie's humor was simple, silly and rather sweet in its naivete.  Too bad he had to grow up and become self-aware and political.

Marvel, with its genius for reinvention of comic book brands, should snap up the rights, and turn Archie and the Gang into 21st Century superheros -- or billionaire geeks in the making. Silicon Valley Archie -- a Zuckerberg-like hero for our times.  Veronica, "leaning in" like Sheryl.  Betty, a Marissa Mayer wannabe.  And Jughead as...Jughead, of course.  Cool.

Better yet, RIP Archie -- we hardly knew ya. And those of us who did, won't remember you for much longer.